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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27309877">i like to think at some point you did love me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwannies/pseuds/hwannies'>hwannies</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TREASURE (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Arguments, Break Up, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I can’t write endings, M/M, Overuse of italics, fluff scenes are really fluffy, for #emphasis, holiday season provides good fluff, hyunsuk just wants to hold on, i tried 2 make them both toxic no they r both just Sad, jihoon gets mad, jihoon smokes at the beginning, jihoon’s impulsive with his words, learning to let go, picnic date, so many tags why, so mind that, they fucked the night b4 but nothing explicit just a mention, theyre both hurting, to a happier time</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:22:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,761</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27309877</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwannies/pseuds/hwannies</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>hyunsuk has to learn to let jihoon go, because they’re over now. jihoon has to learn that some things are not supposed to go so quickly, because hyunsuk hurting hurts him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Hyunsuk/Park Jihoon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i like to think at some point you did love me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>GOD THE PACING IS SO WEIRD IN THIS i am so sorry it goes fast n slow n every whatever pls idk where i was going w this tbh but otherwise Enjoy!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>hyunsuk wakes up to the smell of cigarettes wafting into the room, scrunching his nose up in disgust. he looks over to see jihoon sat on the balcony, doors opened, looking outside at the cars passing by below them. all is quiet save for the noises of the life below, and maybe the puff of smoke that leaves jihoon's mouth every now and then. hyunsuk opens his mouth to say something, finger lifting, but closes it and slides back into bed.</p><p>jihoon's not dumb. he hears the rustling of the bedsheets, signaling to him that the other man has awakened, and stops himself from taking another hit. his head turns to side, not fully looking at hyunsuk but acknowledging he's there, the light coming in highlighting jihoon's side profile with a silhouette. "if you're wondering, yeah, i'm still here. i'll be out in a bit."</p><p>-</p><p>the christmas lights shone brightly in the night, hung up in the town square to celebrate the holiday season. people, couples and families, were out and about, headed in and out of the shops that bustled with business this saturday night.</p><p>but even with all the crowds and people pushing past people and pointless arguments and shopkeepers who were a little too loud and business bells ringing from every direction, hyunsuk and jihoon cozily waited in the line for their reservation at one of the best food spots in the square. their arms were hooked around each other, both of them slightly shivering and huddling closer when another gust of wind came their way.</p><p>"this place looks really expensive hyunsukkie. are you sure you can pay for it?" jihoon eyed the smaller nervously, hands intertwined to prevent jihoon from fidgeting. he nibbled on his lip nervously and hyunsuk noticed (of course he did), pushing the layers of scarves down. he held a thumb up to the other boy's face, pulling the poor chewed-up lip out. he swiped a few times over the lip so that it could regain feeling and jihoon giggles, squirming away. </p><p>"i made reservations, like, two weeks ago, of course i can pay for it. and if i can't...you know where the exit is, right?" hyunsuk joked, the two of them laughing in the chilly weather, light white clouds of air coming out their mouths as they breathed. jihoon adjusted his coat and wrapped it around him once again, hyunsuk looking at something on his phone.</p><p>”suk ah," jihoon mumbled through the scarves, now turning to hyunsuk with an eyesmile. "thank you, yeah? i'll repay you someday, when we're all wrinkly and old and you're in a retirement home and i’ll visit you and we’ll dance our hearts out on the dance floor."</p><p>hyunsuk looked up from his phone and slapped jihoon playfully on the arm, throwing his head back with loud giggle. "yah, why am i the only one in the retirement home? don't think you aren't coming with me," hyunsuk nudged jihoon, almost toppling them both over as they stepped forward in the line. "and hey, why when we're old? we got time, jihoonie."</p><p>-</p><p>"you're really leaving, huh?" hyunsuk pushed himself up to lean onto the wooden bedrest, crossing his legs. "at least give me a goodbye? or do you have no more time for that either?"</p><p>jihoon didn't look back at him as he packed his things. "goodbyes will hurt, hyunsuk. rather just rip off the bandaid." the younger mumbled, tone nearly angry, putting on his clothes one by one. he buttoned his shirt with swift and nimble fingers, looking at himself (and hyunsuk, in the bed behind him) in the mirror with a certain snobbish charm, an authoritative glare starkly contrasting the crescent eyes hyunsuk was used to.</p><p>hyunsuk laughed, astounded at the sight taking place in front of him. "so that's how it's going to be? you'll just be on your little merry way outta here and look, you're already forgetting who i am, aren't you? where does that leave me? just to go back to my apartment in seoul, work an office job until i die?"</p><p>"frankly, i don't care what you do, at all," jihoon turned around, voice rising with his frustration. "i don't care where you end up or who you end up with or how you are at this point because this is over. we established that last night—"</p><p>"and last night we also fucked," hyunsuk added, now getting out of bed to be face-to-face with jihoon. "so <i>how</i> should i have any idea of if your words were true or not?"</p><p>"because they were, okay? so fucking deal with it!" jihoon shouted, blood boiling with pent-up anger, startling hyunsuk who backed away slightly in fear. "<i>you</i> need to learn how to deal with accepting things the way they are. and i don't <i>love</i> you, hyunsuk. hell, maybe i don't even <i>like</i> you anymore. you have to let that, let <i>us</i>,” he gestured to the two of them, “go."</p><p>hyunsuk was shocked, stunned into silence, blinking dumbly at the outburst. jihoon sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at hyunsuk for a few seconds before turning back, chest heaving with heavy, angry breaths.</p><p>maybe that was what he needed to hear. that there was no longer a "hyunsuk and jihoon" but just "hyunsuk, jihoon". maybe hyunsuk was still so hung up on the idea that they are, no, they <i>were</i> in love. maybe they never <i>were</i> in love.</p><p>no, that doesn't even sound right. he had to make <i>sure</i> that didn't sound right.</p><p>"did you ever love me?" hyunsuk whispered after a little while, head looking down at his feet in the same spot he stumbled back to next to the bed. he kept his voice low, nearly to tears, holding onto that small hope that maybe, <i>maybe</i> everything wasn't for nothing. that even if it didn't mean anything to jihoon now, it still meant something in that moment.</p><p>he could hear jihoon's deep sigh, one that practically screamed exhaustion, tiredness. a yearning to let go.</p><p>a beat, two beats passed before jihoon mumbled a soft, "yeah, i did. somewhere along the road, i fell in love with you. with your smile and your laugh and who you are." he smiled, reminiscing on what was, before he sighed again and continued. "then somewhere along that same road, i just fell out. that's it."</p><p>hyunsuk’s lips sealed shut and he nodded, a small one, in understanding and true acceptance this time. as long as jihoon was in love somewhere, sometime, that was okay for hyunsuk. knowing that within those moments, big or small, the feelings jihoon had shared with him were genuine.</p><p>of course, hyunsuk couldn't figure out if jihoon was lying <i>now</i>. but hearing those words, when he described <i>what</i> he had loved of hyunsuk, makes things a little bit easier to let go. because it seemed like jihoon really had <i>loved</i> him.</p><p>jihoon looked down at his watch. "nine o'clock. i'll be headed out now." he got up, slowly, carefully moving around as if hyunsuk was watching his every move, which was fair if he was, if jihoon was honestly speaking.</p><p>the younger didn't lie when he said he'd fallen in love with hyunsuk. somewhere within their relationship—jihoon doesn't know when—"like" had turned into "love".</p><p>love to jihoon, past jihoon, was the little things hyunsuk did: the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, the way he threw himself onto the nearest person when he laughed, the way hyunsuk was ever so attentive of jihoon's entire being that made him feel <i>special</i>.</p><p>those little things slowly—jihoon doesn’t know how—became things he found average, normal. those details he pointed out so carefully on nights where it was just the two of them against the world didn't excite him or make his heart flutter with joy anymore. less and less was <i>he</i> the cause of those details, anyways. so he'd fallen out, and it never looked like he was falling back in within the next forever.</p><p>and god, <i>god</i> does he regret telling hyunsuk he doesn't like him because jihoon <i>does</i> like him, for fuck's sake, who the hell could hate <i>choi hyunsuk</i>? hyunsuk, who's smile could light up an entire room, who's laugh sounded like small fairy bells, who's personality was something that could <i>never, ever</i> be replicated because he's hyunsuk. sweet, caring, shining choi hyunsuk.</p><p>within the spur of the moment, though, to just, as he said, "rip off the bandaid", it was the only thing he <i>could</i> do just so maybe the wound would hurt less on hyunsuk's side. so that it was easier to cut things off, distance themselves from each other and never cross each other's minds for a long while. but clearly, that didn’t seem to be the case.</p><p>he was done packing.</p><p>jihoon made his over to the doorway with grand strides, nearly ready to leave. he just had one more thing to do, something he had to make <i>sure</i> was known to the other man.</p><p>"hyunsuk," he called, facing the doorway instead of the said man. the older looked up at him to meet his back, and jihoon took the silence as an initiative to continue. "i like you, i do. i don't know how i could ever hate you. and when i said i was in love with you, i meant it. i loved you, hyunsuk."</p><p>with one final breath, all dressed up, his briefcase in hand, jihoon stepped out of the room.</p><p>out of hyunsuk's life.</p><p>-</p><p>"hoonie," hyunsuk smiled as jihoon fed him a blueberry, looking up at the sky above them. leaves were swaying gently in the wind, sun shining brightly down on them, the gentle swish of the river near them adding to the serene ambience of the atmosphere. jihoon was lying down on hyunsuk's lap, legs stretched across the plaid blue picnic blanket, and hummed a reply, looking up at hyunsuk with fond, twinkling eyes. "you think we'll be together until we're in that retirement home you talked about last winter?"</p><p>jihoon hit him playfully, a light slap on hyunsuk's arm. the older laughed, hissing and clutching it tight. "you still remember that?" he said shyly, blushing at the little detail that jihoon had regarded as a silly little thought at the time. hyunsuk nodded excitedly, the thought of them growing old together bringing some odd source of exhilaration and impatience, and bent down to plant a kiss on the younger's forehead. "of course we will, suk. who said i'll ever stop loving you?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>...hi. I CANT WRITE ENDINGS IM SORRY god i ended it on a happy flashback (oh uh yes it’s a flashback) because ... I DONT KNOW it seemed right. i swear i cant write pure angst thats not in my blood theres fluff in whatever i do and it’s happy but also..Also sad because yk..they broke up...ok i was gonna write hyunsuk being like “u <i>did</i> stop loving me” as he sits down and grips the bedsheets in frustration but idk i didn’t like that as an ending when i wrote it out.</p><p>also sorry the story kinda is quick ?? i think??? i mean i guess partially because i was writing this at like 10 words an hour and then BAM 1-2am hit and i fledged out like a thousand words , but idk the pacing on this one is so fuckin Odd n i think it’s cuz there’s a lot of mirroring (is that a thing??? like repeating things from the different perspectives ex. suk making sure what hoon said wasnt true and hoon making sure suk knew he loved him. idk) i did but .. Yeah.</p><p>also little detail!! during the fluffy flashbacks they only call each other nicknames and in the present day they call each other by their actual names becuz Pain. ok this is so long why is this longer than the fic i’m so sorry i just have lots 2 share about this one and idk why i’ll get going now</p><p>find me at @HWANNlES on twitter (the i is a lowercase L)!<br/>see you next time! :D</p></blockquote></div></div>
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